


Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Groupchat of 2020

by iamtraassshh



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: Chaos, Everyone is LGBT, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mary Needs A Hug, dolokhov and pierre are depressed buddies, groupchat, helene is best wine aunt, honestly why'd i write this, marya is best mom, sonya also needs a hug, the great comet fandom is dead this is gonna get no reads, they're in highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:54:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtraassshh/pseuds/iamtraassshh
Summary: All the great comet characters are in a highschool groupchat and no one is straight. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Andrei Nikolayevich Bolkonsky/Natalya "Natasha" Ilyinichna Rostova (referenced), Fyodor "Fedya" Ivanovich Dolokhov/Anatole Vasilyevich Kuragin, Marya "Mary" Nikolaevna Bolkonskaya/Sofia "Sonya" Alexandrovna Rostova, Marya Dmitryevna Akhrosimova/Elena "Hélène" Vasilyevna Kuragina
Comments: 53
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Natasha: OhTheMoon  
> Sonya: Alonya   
> Marya: Grande Dame   
> Anatole: Whore   
> Helene: Queen.Of.Everything  
> Dolokhov: Not Important   
> Mary: Mary  
> Pierre: Bewildered_N_Awkward

Queen.Of.Everything added OhTheMoon to the groupchat  
Queen.Of.Everything added Alonya to the groupchat  
Queen.Of.Everything added Grande Dame to the groupchat  
Queen.Of.Everything added Whore to the groupchat   
Queen.Of.Everything added Not Important to the groupchat   
Queen.Of. Everything added Mary to the groupchat   
Queen.Of.Everything added Bewildered_N_Awkward to the groupchat 

OhTheMoon: Hello!

Grande Dame: No. 

Grande Dame: Why? 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Whore: Hey friends 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Why am I even here 

Not Important: Here as in the groupchat or here as in the world of the living 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Both 

Not Important: Cheers I’ll drink to that 

Whore: Feyda your name :( 

Not Important: I’m not changing it 

Mary: Helene, how do you have my number? 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;)   
Alonya: are you going to respond to everything with a wink 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Alonya: i’m guessing that’s a yes

Alonya: does anat*le have to be here 

Whore: RUDE

OhTheMoon: Sonya I’ve forgiven him let it be 

Whore: Thank you Natalie 

OhTheMoon: I didn’t do it for you I did it because it’s bad for my mental health to hold onto grudges and resentment and I could only truly move on after forgiving you but okay 

Whore: Oh

Whore: Eh well forgiveness is forgiveness 

Alonya: i’ll forgive him but i still don’t like him 

OhTheMoon: Me neither but he’s Helene’s brother so I tolerate him 

Whore: Why are you talking as if I’m not here 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Alonya: you weren’t even in this conversation- 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Not Important: I feel like she wants something 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: When we dating she used to do this until I took her out for dinner 

Mary: Helene would you like to go get dinner tonight? 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Mary: Maybe she doesn’t want to go with me someone else try 

Not Important: Whenever we go out she just tells me a time and place so it’s not me 

Whore: She just grabs me and drags me to the car 

Alonya: It’s not me for obvious reasons 

Alonya: Nat you try 

OhTheMoon: Wait 

OhTheMoon: I think I know who 

OhTheMoon: MARYA 

Whore: O shit u right 

Whore: MARYA 

Alonya: MARYA 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: MARYA 

Mary: MARYA 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

OhTheMoon: MARYA PLEASE 

Grande Dame: Yes my children? 

Whore: Pls ask out my sister so she’ll stop winking 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Grande Dame: What? 

Alonya: pls 

Grande Dame: It’s barely been an hour and I already hate this chat so much. 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Grande Dame: Helene will you go to dinner with me tonight?   
Queen.Of.Everything: Of course mon cher

Queen.Of.Everything: And yes to Mary as well 

Mary: Oh 

Queen.Of.Everything: Did you not want to 

Mary: No I just didn’t expect you to say yes 

Queen.Of.Everything: :( 

Queen.Of.Everything: Mary I like hanging out with you 

Mary: Really? 

Queen.Of.Everything: YES 

Alonya: mary we all do 

Queen.Of.Everything: Now goodbye darlings I’m going to Marya’s 

Grande Dame: Helene I’m not even home.

Queen.Of.Everything: I have a key ;) 

Grande Dame: How? 

Grande Dame: I never gave you one.

Queen.Of.Everything: ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OhTheMoon: Natasha  
> Alonya: Sonya  
> Grande Dame: Marya  
> Whore: Anatole  
> Queen.Of.Everything: Helene  
> Not Important: Dolokhov  
> Mary: Mary  
> Bewildered_N_Awkward: Pierre

OhTheMoon: Guys!

OhTheMoon: It’s Saturday!

Not Important: Brilliant observation

Alonya: natasha

Alonya: my dear cousin

Alonya: it is 6 in the morning

Alonya: what in the ever-loving fuck do you want

Not Important: Ooh did Sonya the good just curse

Not Important: And at her cousin no less

Alonya: you’re acting like i’ve never done that

Grande Dame: It is rather rare for you though, dear.

OhTheMoon: She’s just grouchy because I woke her up

Not Important: Aww does the princess need her beauty sleep

Alonya: dolokhov if i wasn’t half asleep i’d beat your ass

Not Important: I’d love to see you try

OhTheMoon: Guys! Stop!

OhTheMoon: Does anyone even remember why I’m waking everyone up?

Alonya: …

Not Important: Lmao what do you think

Grande Dame: I do, I think I’m the only one who does though

OhTheMoon: You guys promised to go running with me today!

Alonya: there is no way i agreed to that

Alonya: that’s literally the only thing i won’t do for you

Not Important: The only thing  
Alonya: hush

OhTheMoon: Sonya please :(

Alonya: goodnight nat i love you more than anything

OhTheMoon: If you loved me you’d stay awake

OhTheMoon: …

OhTheMoon: Sonya?

Not Important: She’s already asleep lmao

OhTheMoon: I’m guessing you’re not gonna run with me?

Not Important: I will

Not Important: Nothing better to do

OhTheMoon: Anyone else?

Not Important: Good luck getting the Kuragins up before noon

Grande Dame: Or Pierre.

OhTheMoon: I feel like Mary would get up early though

Not Important: There’s a difference between early and 6 in the fuckin morning

OhTheMoon: Why are you even up

Not Important: All nighter at Anatole’s

Grande Dame: Of course.

Not Important: As if you weren’t up late with Helene

Grande Dame: I was not.

OhTheMoon: Why didn’t Anatole stay up with you

Not Important: He was worn out  
OhTheMoon: Gross

Not Important: Why because we’re gay

Not Important: Wow didn’t take you for a homophobe Natasha

OhTheMoon: I’M LITERALLY BISEXUAL

OhTheMoon: I just don’t want to hear about my friends sex lives

Not Important: You asked

OhTheMoon: I-

Grande Dame: He does have a point.

Not Important: HA

Grande Dame: You guys are such children sometimes.

Not Important: Only sometimes

Grande Dame: The lack of punctuation is becoming sickening, goodbye.

OhTheMoon: Dolokhov! Meet me at the trailhead at 7!

Not Important: Aight

A few hours later

Queen.Of.Everything: Good morning!

Mary: Helene it’s 2pm

Queen.Of.Everything: Yes it is

Whore: Even I’m awake

Queen.Of.Everything: Time is a construct and you guys are weak for bending to it

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Fuck yeah!

Queen.Of.Everything: Darling are you day drinking

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Fuck yeah!

Grande Dame: Pierre we’ve talked about this, it’s not healthy.

Queen.Of.Everything: Like I drink sometimes but even I know doing it all the time isn’t good

Grande Dame: Especially at our age.

Bewildered_N_Awkward: UghGh

Alonya: helene and marya are wives and parents

Grande Dame: This is why you’re not the favorite goddaughter.

Whore: MARYA ASDFGHJKLDFGHJK

Alonya: technically only nat is your goddaughter

Grande Dame: It’s true your parents didn’t assign me as your godmother but I’ve claimed you and the Lord sees it like that as well.

Whore: “I’ve claimed you”

Whore: How are you even their godmother you’re only 4 years older than them

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Dragon resdonpibble

Mary: Responsible?

Bewildered_N_Awkward: YE

Queen.Of.Everything: Yes my wife is very responsible and I love her <3 <3 <3 <3

Grande Dame Elena I am not your wife.

Queen.Of.Everything: Ooh I like it when you use my full name (;

Not Important: Oh no the wink is back

Queen.Of.Everything: Speaking of my wife

Queen.Of.Everything: Who wants to see a very cute pic I got last night

Mary: Oh yes!

Queen.Of.Everything: 

Grande Dame: I hate you.

OhTheMoon: Marya you look great!!!

Mary: Marya you’re very beautiful!

Grande Dame: Thank you, my dears.

Bewildered_N_Awkward: maRYaa hot

Queen.Of.Everything: I agree

Queen.Of.Everything: But please stop drinking darling

Whore: WHO WANTS TO GO OUT TONIGHT

Queen.Of.Everything: THIS BITCH

Whore: Feyda?

Not Important: You know it babe

OhTheMoon: I’d love to!

Grande Dame: I have some homework to do.

Queen.Of.Everything: :(

Grande Dame: We can hang out tomorrow honey.

Queen.Of.Everything: :0 :D :D :D :D

OhTheMoon: AWWW!

Whore: Guys

Whore: HELENE IS: BLUSHING

Queen.Of.Everything: ANATOLE IS: A BITCH

OhTheMoon: We know

Mary: Is Sonya okay

OhTheMoon: Why do you ask?

Mary: Someone insulted Anatole and she didn’t join in

Mary: Also I’m afraid I can’t come tonight, I don’t think my father would like it very much

OhTheMoon: :( We’ll miss you!

Mary: Sorry

OhTheMoon: It’s OK, it’s not your fault your dad sucks

Mary: Natasha! Don’t say that, he’s just old and feeble that’s all

OhTheMoon: Ok Mary

Grande Dame: I believe the Sonya situation may be my fault.

Grande Dame: Well I’ll talk to her, goodbye everyone.

Queen.Of.Everything: Goodbye my dearest

Not Important: Laying it on thick there aren’t we Helene

Queen.Of.Everything: Shut up Dolokhov

Mary: I will be going as well, have fun everyone!

OhTheMoon: Bye Mary!

Whore: Ciao for now you two

Whore: Now let’s get this party started

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Fuck YEHA

Conversation between Alonya and Grande Dame

Grande Dame: Sonya, we were insulting Anatole earlier in the chat and you didn’t join in, is everything alright?

Grande Dame: I am very sorry for what I said earlier, it was simply a joke.

Alonya: marya

Alonya: i know it was a joke

Alonya: it just hit a bit close to home

Alonya: cause idk i just always feel like i’m always second to nat or people just don’t like me a lot and put up with me because they have to

Grande Dame: Sonya I know your parents were not nice to you but I meant what I said when I said I claimed you. I’m here for you and I love you just as much as I do Natasha. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel any different. But you can always talk to me about whatever,okay?

Alonya: thanks marya i needed that

Alonya: i do actually have something to talk about if you don’t mind

Grande Dame: What did I just say.

Alonya: oh yeah

Alonya: well it’s a little embarrassing but uh

Alonya: i have the biggest

Alonya: gayest

Alonya: crush on mary

Alonya: and idk what to do about it

Grande Dame: Tell her this.

Alonya: i can’t just tell her this!

Alonya: what if she rejects me

Grande Dame: Mary is the kindest, gentlest person I’ve ever met, even if she doesn’t feel the same she would at least give you a chance.

Grande Dame: But I feel like she does.

Alonya: wdym you feel like she does

Grande Dame: Just trust me.  
Alonya: fine

Conversation between Grande Dame and Queen.Of.Everything

Grande Dame: Hey.

Queen.Of.Everything: Hello sweetie

Grande Dame: Pierre is out with you guys right?

Queen.Of.Everything: Yeah

Grande Dame: Can you keep an eye on him for me please?

Grande Dame: Don’t let him have too much to drink.

Grande Dame: And the others for that matter.

Queen.Of.Everything: Aww mama bear is worried about her cubs

Queen.Of.Everything: But are you seriously asking me to basically be a designated driver

Grande Dame: I suppose.

Queen.Of.Everything: Only for you sweetheart

Grande Dame: Thank you honey.

Queen.Of.Everything: I like that

Grande Dame: Honey?

Queen.Of.Everything: Yeah

Grande Dame: I’ll keep that in mind.

Grande Dame: Have a good time honey.

Queen.Of.Everything: Goodnight sweetie <3 <3 <3

Main Chat  
Whore: GONNA DRINK DIRNK DEIK DRINJKE TONGHT

Mary: Are you drunk?

Whore: fuUK YEHAB

OhTheMoon: MAAAAAARRRRRRRYYYYY

Mary: Hi Natasha

OhTheMoon: UR HAIR LOOOOKS SOOO SOOFFFTT CNA I TOUCH ITTT

Mary: ?? If you want to??

Mary: Are all of you drunk

Mary: I swear if you come to school on Monday hungover

Not Important: Wouldn’t be the first time

Not Important: And it won’t be the last

Alonya: it’d be a first for nat

Alonya: and a last

Alonya: you’ve already ruined her life enough anal toe

OhTheMoon: SONNY LEFT IT GGOOOSH

Alonya: please tell me someone is sober

Queen.Of.Everything: Fear not mon cher

Alonya: you’re fucked

Queen.Of.Everything: Hopefully by the end of the night ;)

Alonya: i-

Grande Dame: I said tomorrow, dearest.

Alonya: nope nope nope nope  
Alonya: goodbye

Queen.Of.Everything: No stay being the only sober one is hell

Queen.Of.Everything: Dolokhov and Anatole are making out on a table, Pierre is passed out, and Natasha keeps tickling me and poking Pierre in the cheek and giggling

Alonya: ha

Queen.Of.Everything: Rude

Mary: You should probably get them out of there

OhTheMoon: MAY HOWWEE DAERE YUUU

Mary: Natasha how drunk are you

OhTheMoon: NOINE TA ALLL

Alonya: oh my god

Alonya: i can’t believe i’m trusting helene kuragin to get my cousin home

Queen.Of.Everything: Wow thanks Sonya

Queen.Of.Everything: Wish me luck those who are actually nice

Mary: Good luck Helene

Alonya: you’ll need it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This "accidentally" got very Marya/Helene heavy oops


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha: OhTheMoon  
> Sonya: Alonya   
> Marya: Grande Dame   
> Anatole: Whore   
> Helene: Queen.Of.Everything  
> Dolokhov: Not Important   
> Mary: Mary  
> Pierre: Bewildered_N_Awkward

Whore: Fuccckkk 

Not Important: I agree 

Whore: This hangover sucks ass I have the worst headache ever 

Alonya: it’s what you deserve   
Whore: Someone kill me

Alonya: Gladly 

OhTheMoon: Sonya 

Whore: Oh yes a voice of reason to tell her to stop 

OhTheMoon: Can you pls make me some tea? 

Alonya: of course nat

Whore: I- 

Queen.Of.Everything: HA

Whore: Laney :( 

Whore: Why are you being so mean to me :( 

Queen.Of.Everything: BECAUSE I HAD TO PULL YOU OFF OF DOLOKHOV BEFORE YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB IN A PUBLIC BAR 

Not Important: They would’ve enjoyed the show 

Queen.Of.Everything: Is this what I’m like 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Often yes 

Alonya: laney…

Alonya: yes

Queen.Of.Everything: What 

Alonya: anatole thank you for that 

Alonya: you have gained rights for an hour 

Queen.Of.Everything: What is happening 

Alonya: hi laney 

Queen.Of.Everything: NO 

Queen.Of.Everything: I only let Anatole call me that because he’s done it since we were kids

Alonya: but consider this 

Alonya: i want to 

Mary: It is rather cute 

Queen.Of.Everything: Uhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggg 

Queen.Of.Everything: Fine but only you two 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m leaving to annoy Marya goodbye 

Mary: Goodbye, have fun!

Alonya: bye laney 

Alonya: i’m actually gonna dip too 

Alonya: gotta do my weekly “escape humanity with a picnic by myself in the woods” 

Mary: Oh that sounds nice 

Alonya: you could come 

Alonya: if you want 

Mary: Are you sure? I’d love to! 

Alonya: great meet me in like 15 minutes 

Whore: Everyone’s leaving 

Whore: How am I gonna get my required amount of attention :( :( :( 

Not Important: Don’t worry I’m still here 

Whore: Yay 

Chat between Alonya and Grande Dame 

Alonya: mom help 

Grande Dame: What’s up? 

Alonya: mary and i are gonna hang out alone 

Alonya: in the mcfuckin woods 

Grande Dame: What’s the problem? 

Alonya: we’re gonna be alone and i’m literally in love with her

Grande Dame: So tell her. 

Alonya: are you insane 

Grande Dame: Normally, I would say no but I am dating a Kuragin so it’s questionable. 

Alonya: pfft 

Alonya: that was funny 

Alonya: but i can’t just tell her what if she rejects me

Grande Dame: Then she’d do it in the nicest possible way, but she won’t reject you. 

Alonya: i don’t even know if she’s gay 

Alonya: not that many gay ppl in smalltown ville russia 

Alonya: what if she’s homophobic 

Grande Dame: I doubt she’s homophobic, she hangs out with us. 

Grande Dame: Also there’s so many queer people. You, me, Helene, Dolokhov, Anatole, Pierre, Natasha, I can keep going if you want. 

Alonya: wait i thought pierre was str8

Grande Dame: He’s ace. 

Alonya: ah 

Alonya: anyway still don’t know if she likes me even if she is gay

Grande Dame: So don’t tell her and just have a good time. 

Alonya: but i’m gonna b a nervous wreck 

Grande Dame: Would it kill you to type like a normal person? 

Alonya: punctuation while texting isn’t normal but go off i guess 

Grande Dame: What does that even mean? 

Grande Dame: Anyway, just focus more on hanging out with Mary as a friend and having fun than on your romantic feelings. 

Alonya: if i could i would

Grande Dame: I’m sorry but I really don’t have any more advice for you, and my needy girlfriend is needy. 

Alonya: ugh 

Alonya: bye marya 

Main Chat 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Does anyone have Ms. Darbus’s number 

Not Important: Who dat 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Drama teacher and our director for the musical 

Not Important: There’s a musical????? 

Not Important: You’re in it?????? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Yeah me Helene, Natasha, Sonya, Anatole, and Marya are all in it  
Not Important: MARYA DOES THEATRE????? 

Not Important: So many secrets smh 

Whore: She’s our stage manager 

Not Important: Let’s pretend I don’t know what that is 

Whore: She bosses everyone around and makes sure everyone is doing what they’re supposed to 

Not Important: That makes a lot of sense 

Not Important: But Pierre??

Whore: He’s a techie 

Whore: He makes sets and props and costumes and does lighting shit 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Anatole there’s different crews for different things you know 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I’m the lighting designer 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: But please does anyone have her number 

OhTheMoon: I think I do

OhTheMoon: Yeah I do I’ll send it to you 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Thank you Natasha you’re a lifesaver 

Whore: Why do you need it anyway 

Whore: Also designer sounds like something important shouldn’t you already have it 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Anatole you’ve done theatre since middle school how do you still have no idea what crew does 

Whore: Idk

Whore: But answer my question 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Well you know how tech week wrapped up on Friday so we could get like more than 2 minutes of sleep before opening night 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I left early because we didn’t have anything else to do and I was tired so I let one of my crew members lock up the lighting booth

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Somehow those dumbasses broke the spotlight and didn’t tell me until today 

OhTheMoon: Oh that’s not good 

Whore: Darbus is gonna kill you lol 

Not Important: Is it bad that I didn’t know there was a musical going on a most of you guys are in it 

Not Important: What show are you doing

Whore: Les Miserables 

OhTheMoon: I’m playing Eponine! 

Whore: I got Marius 

OhTheMoon: Sonya and Helene got ensemble because, according to Sonya, “the world hates altos” 

Mary: you don’t know the struggle #uniquevoicesgang -sonya 

OhTheMoon: ?? Why are you on Mary’s phone 

Mary: i left mine at home -sonya 

Not Important: Sonya you don’t have the sign off you’re the only one who types in all lowercase

Mary: shut up dolokhov -sonya 

Mary: Shut up Dolokhov -Mary 

OhTheMoon: Honestly an iconic duo 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I just got off the phone with Ms. Darbus, she’s too tired to murder me 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Those were her exact words

Mary: Is she even allowed to say that to a student? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Probably not but I don’t really care 

Mary: Sonya’s telling me that phones ruin the “vibes of the forest” so goodbye for now! 

Whore: See ya Mary 

Whore: Now that it’s just us boyssss 

Whore: I propose a game 

OhTheMoon: I am also here 

Whore: OH 

Whore: My deepest apologies Natalie 

Not Important: What’s the game 

Whore: Fuck, mary, kill 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Of course it is 

Whore: Will you play old man 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Only if we call it wed bed behead 

Whore: Odd request but alright 

Whore: Natalie you first 

Whore: Wed, bed, behead: Balaga, me, Trump 

OhTheMoon: I see what you’re trying to do 

OhTheMoon: And it’s not going to work 

OhTheMoon: Wed Balaga, bed Trump, behead Anatole 

Whore: …  
Whore: I don’t want to play anymore 

OhTheMoon: Fine by me, Dolokhov wed bed behead: Helene, Gordan Ramsey, Harry Styles 

Not Important: Ooh this one’s hard

Whore: Heh 

Not Important: -_-

Not Important: Bed Helene, wed Gordan, behead Harry Styles 

Mary: YOU’D DO WHAT TO HARRY STYLES 

OhTheMoon: I thought phones disturbed nature? 

Mary: FUCK NATURE 

Mary: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT YOU’D BEHEAD HARRY STYLES 

Mary: DISGUSTING 

Mary: LOCK HIM UP

Not Important: Never thought Sonya of all people would be a Harry Styles stan

OhTheMoon: She’s not, Sonya only listens to indie and random folk shit 

OhTheMoon: Believe me, I’d know she’s always blasting music at home 

Mary: SONYA ONLY TYPES IN LOWERCASE 

Not Important: Wow 

Not Important: I can’t believe Mary Bolkonsky cursed once in her life and it was about Harry fucking Styles 

Mary: I’VE CURSED BEFORE FEYDA 

Mary: If you shit talk Harry Styles one more time I’m gonna slice your dick off and leave you in a dark room with two pieces of bread and half a cup of water for a month do you understand me 

Not Important: Why was that so oddly specific   
Not Important: Why am I scared of Mary

A few hours later

Alonya: i am back i have my phone again and i realised something 

Whore: Oh? Spill the tea 

Alonya: i hate that you called it tea and 

Alonya: and that you immediately assumed it was gossip 

Alonya: and the fact that you’re kinda right 

Whore: Ha

Whore: Wdym by kinda tho 

Alonya: welllll 

Alonya: when i was texting Marya earlier

Alonya: she called Helene her gf 

Whore: SHE DID WHAT 

Queen.Of.Everything: SHE DID WHAT 

Grande Dame: Technically I called her my needy girlfriend. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Rude 

Queen.Of.Everything: True

Queen.Of.Everything: But rude 

Alonya: laney why r u surprised that she calls you that 

Queen.Of.Everything: I DIDN’T KNOW SHE DID THAT 

Alonya: seems like something y'all should’ve talked about 

Whore: “y’all”

Grande Dame: Elena is it okay if I call you my girlfriend? 

Queen.Of.Everything: Yes <3 

Grande Dame: There Sonya, we talked. 

Alonya: good for you??? 

Chat between Grande Dame and Queen.Of.Everything

Grande Dame: Leyla what’s wrong? 

Queen.Of.Everything: How many damn nicknames am I gonna get

Queen.Of.Everything: And nothings wrong 

Grande Dame We both know that’s not true. 

Queen.Of.Everything: HOW DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW 

Grande Dame: I can just tell. 

Grande Dame: Is it the girlfriend thing? 

Queen.Of.Everything: Yeah no shit it’s the girlfriend thing

Queen.Of.Everything: Sorry 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m not mad at you I’m just……idek

Grande Dame: Talk to me. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Well it’s just I’ve never really been the type for relationships and you calling me your girlfriend makes it seem like I’m yours, like I belong to you

Grande Dame: That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. 

Queen.Of.Everything: But it is for me  
Queen.Of.Everything: Last time I was someone’s girlfriend was Pierre and I just felt really trapped and sort of like I was his property

Grande Dame: I’m not Pierre. 

Grande Dame: And I don’t want to pressure you but if you were my girlfriend, I’d be yours too. We’d belong to each other. 

Grande Dame: But we can be whatever you want honey. 

Queen.Of.Everything: God damn Marya 

Queen.Of.Everything: I fuckin love you 

Grande Dame: I love you too. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Thank you for hearing me out <3 <3 <3 

Queen.Of.Everything: I don’t think I’m ready yet but I’ll definitely think about it.

Grande Dame: Whenever you’re ready sweetheart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that's the drama teacher from High School Musical, it was the first thing I thought of okay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha: OhTheMoon  
> Sonya: Alonya   
> Marya: Grande Dame   
> Anatole: Whore   
> Helene: Queen.Of.Everything  
> Dolokhov: Not Important   
> Mary: Mary  
> Pierre: Bewildered_N_Awkward

OhTheMoon: It’s opening night and I’m heckin nervous 

Mary: I’m sure you’ll do great Natasha! 

OhTheMoon: Oh I know I’m worried about everyone else messing up and making me look bad 

Not Important: Of course you are 

Mary: I don’t really know what to say to that

Alonya: stop texting during class 

Mary: Technically I’m not in class I’m in the bathroom 

Alonya: it's still stressing me out

Not Important: Girl chill 

Alonya: ew

OhTheMoon: Aren’t you texting in class 

Alonya: nah im in my house 

OhTheMoon: WHAT 

Alonya: i threw up so they sent me home 

OhTheMoon: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME

Alonya: i don’t text in class 

Mary: Why though? Even I do

Alonya: agfsgdasjdgsjhadghsa rules and not following them makes me anxious 

Not Important: What doesn’t make you anxious 

Mary: Feyda don’t be rude to her 

Not Important: Sorry 

OhTheMoon: YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME AS SOON AS YOU COULD 

OhTheMoon: Are you going to be fine 

Alonya: yeah it was just nerves 

OhTheMoon: Ok good so you’ll be there for opening tonight

Alonya: …

Alonya: imagine thinking your cousin was worried about you when she was actually worried about the school musical 

OhTheMoon: Of course I was worried about you too! 

Alonya: mhm 

Alonya: get back to class dumbasses 

Mary: But I don’t wanna 

Alonya: are you still in the bathroom???? 

Mary: Yes 

Alonya: dude it’s been like 10 minutes someone’s gonna get sus 

Mary: It’s fine Mrs. Gray is chill 

Alonya: ahhhh 

Mary: If it stresses you out that much I’ll go back to class but I will not be happy about it

Not Important: I won’t 

Not Important: My role in the movie is cocky yet chill lovable asshole 

Not Important: So I’m gonna stress you out as much as possible 

Alonya: if you’re the only one talking i’ll just mute the chat 

Not Important: Rude 

Not Important: But idk what I expected 

A few hours later (after school) 

Grande Dame: Dolokhov and Mary I have your tickets. 

Grande Dame: Meet me in the choir room. 

Not Important: What if I don’t know where that is

Mary: Follow me, I’m at my locker 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Marya why are you in the choir room 

Grande Dame: I’m gonna take a nap in there before we’re called for opening 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Why don’t you just go home 

Grande Dame: I don’t trust myself to drive home. I'm too tired and I have all my stuff for the musical here so it’s easier to stay. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Do you want me to get you some coffee or food

Bewilderded_N_Awkward: Yeah sure thanks 

Queen.Of.Everything: I wasn’t talking to you asshat 

Grande Dame: Thank you honey but I’m fine if you wanted to come up to the choir room and nap with me though I wouldn’t mind. 

Queen.Of.Everything: :O

Queen.Of.Everything: :D :D :D 

Queen.Of.Everything: Omw sweetie 

Queen.Of.Everything: ANATOLE BRING MY SHIT WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE TONIGHT 

Alonya: stop being cute it makes me lonelier

Queen.Of.Everything: Can’t help it 

OhTheMoon: Sofffyyyy 

Alonya: ew what 

Alonya: and why sofy 

OhTheMoon: Do you want me to grab anything from the corner store 

Alonya: i’ll have some tea and a box of Ritz crackers thanks 

Alonya: still doesn’t answer why you called me sofy 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Why does everyone get offered food except me 

Not Important: You have a car just go buy some yourself

Bewilderded_N_Awkward: Yeah but I’m broke 

Not Important: Sounds like a you problem 

Whore: I’ll buy if you give me a ride home

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Sure 

Whore: And if you do my bio homework 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: You’re lucky I’m a fatass

Whore: Thanks old man 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I’m literally only 3 years older than you 

Whore: You have old man energy 

Bewilderded_N_Awkward: Just get in the car 

Alonya: ha laney left you 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Was that directed at me or Anatole

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Cause I broke up with her

Alonya: anatole 

Alonya: and what 

Alonya: i’m gonna need the details on that 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I just broke up with her cause we didn’t work not much to say 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I mean it was obvious she liked Marya more than me

Queen.Of.Everything: Didn’t have to tell everyone that smh 

Queen.Of.Everything: Anyway I have shocking news

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya doesn’t like coffee 

Whore: Wack 

Whore: Also Sonya’s right you left me

Queen.Of.Everything: So 

Queen.Of.Everything: You got a ride 

Whore: What if I didn’t 

Queen.Of.Everything: Why is it my responsibility 

Whore: RUDE 

Queen.Of.Everything: I have a nap to get back to

Queen.Of.Everything: Sleepy Marya is very cute 

Alonya: nat answer me why’d you call me sofy 

Alonya: nat 

Alonya: i stg if you’re ignoring me

Alonya: we literally live in the same house you can’t keep this up for long 

OhTheMoon: I wasn’t ignoring you I was buying you your stuff

OhTheMoon: And I called you that because you got sick and I was concerned 

Alonya: oh

Not Important: Mary 

Mary: Yes? 

Not Important: Want me to give you a ride to the musical tonight 

Mary: Sure 

Mary: Thanks Feyda 

Not Important: No problemo 

Not Important: We should pick up some food too

Grande Dame: Please do not eat in the auditorium. 

Not Important: Don’t worry we’ll eat in the car 

Grande Dame: I’m also opposed to that but it’s your car so do what you want. 

OhTheMoon: Did you have a nice nap Marya? 

Grande Dame: Yes, I feel much better now. 

Grande Dame: The only problem is that Helene is still asleep and it’s impossible to wake her up. 

OhTheMoon: Impossible? 

Bewilderded_N_Awkward: She’s slept through a fire drill 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Multiple times 

OhTheMoon: HOW

Grande Dame: She’s slept through entire school days 

Mary: That’s impressive 

Alonya: how does she wake up in the morning though 

Whore: Her alarm is Marya yelling at her 

Alonya: omg that’s actually a good idea i’m doing that

Grande Dame: Why? 

Alonya: you’re so loud 

Grande Dame: Fair. 

Grande Dame: What am I saying in her alarm? 

Whore: “You will not enter my house scoundrel” 

Alonya: i want the context of that 

Grande Dame: She asked me to. 

Alonya: of course she did

Grande Dame: Well I’ll try that. 

Grande Dame: It worked. 

Grande Dame: We’re off to the auditorium, see you guys later. 

Whore: Shit I should probably get going 

Grande Dame: You haven’t left yet? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I’ll pick you up 

Grande Dame: You haven’t left either? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Oh no I’m almost at school but I’ll take a detour to pick up Anatole 

Grande Dame: Anatole if you guys are late I’m going to break up with your sister and make you deal with an upset Helene. 

Queen.Of.Everything: WHAT 

Queen.Of.Everything: THE 

Queen.Of.Everything: FUCK 

Queen.Of.Everything: MARYA 

Alonya: she says as she keeps her head on Marya’s shoulder

Queen.Of.Everything: Shut up Sonya 

OhTheMoon: Guys get in costume 

Alonya: ugh fine

Alonya: cmon laney 

Queen.Of.Everything: Coming Sofy 

Alonya: i hate it here 

A few hours later (after the show) 

Mary: You guys were amazing!! 

Alonya: thanks mary 

Mary: Of course!

Alonya: you wanna come to the cafe with us

Alonya: it’s supposed to just be theatre people but we’re allowed to bring a date 

Alonya: you don’t have to if you don’t want to 

Alonya: just thought you might have fun 

Alonya: sorry 

Mary: I’d love to! 

Mary: But my father… 

Mary: Nevermind he’s probably asleep, he won’t notice 

Mary: I’ll meet you at the main entrance! 

Not Important: Gay

Alonya: acting like you aren’t going with anatole 

Not Important: How tf did you even know 

Alonya: my lesbianism 

Alonya: it gives me superpowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I've been a bit busy! Comments make my day btw, just saying.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha: OhTheMoon  
> Sonya: Alonya  
> Marya: Grande Dame  
> Anatole: Whore  
> Helene: Queen.Of.Everything  
> Dolokhov: Not Important  
> Mary: Mary  
> Pierre: Bewildered_N_Awkward
> 
> This was a very fun chapter to write :)

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Who wants to go out to celebrate opening night! 

Queen.Of.Everything: Count me in 

Grande Dame: I assume you mean drinking so I have to pass, don’t like drinking on school nights. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Rip 

Not Important: I’ll go 

Whore: I’m always down to drink 

Alonya: before nat says anything neither of us are going 

OhTheMoon: But Sonyaaaa 

Alonya: if you had to deal with drunk you you’d understand 

Mary: Normally I wouldn’t because I don’t want to leave my father home alone that long but why not 

Mary: I could use a drink 

Mary: Or many

Queen.Of.Everything: YAAAYY MARY’S COMING 

Queen.Of.Everything: Before anyone asks I am absolutely not being the designated driver this time

Whore: So who’s it gonna be 

Not Important: We could just get an Uber 

  
  
  


Chat between Alonya and Not Important 

Alonya: hey piss boy 

Not Important: Yes? 

Alonya: pls make sure mary’s ok tonight and like get her home safe 

Not Important: Simp 

Alonya: shush 

Not Important: Wait seriously 

Not Important: Simpin for Mary?? 

Alonya: i’m not simping 

Alonya: but maybe i have a lil crush 

Not Important: Oh damn 

Alonya: don’t bully me about it

Not Important: I’m not 

Not Important: I get it

Not Important: She’s sweet and cute and makes you feel good whenever you talk to her

Alonya: watch yourself feddy boi

Not Important: Girl chill I’m home of sexual 

Not Important: And I have a boyfriend 

Not Important: And even if I liked girls she remind me too much of my sister 

Not Important: And I’m not from Alabama

Not Important: I will def be designated driver tho and make sure these idiots get home safe 

Alonya: you’re an idiot too

Not Important: So are you 

Alonya: thank you 

Alonya: not for calling me an idiot for getting her home safe 

Not Important: Anytime 

Main Chat

Not Important: Nvm I’ll be designated driver

Whore: You sure?

Whore: Cool

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Thanks man

Mary: Great!

Queen.Of.Everything: Now let’s party bitches

OhTheMoon: Sonya see what you’re keeping me from

Alonya: my sanity is more important than your fun 

OhTheMoon: You’re lucky I’m still a bit worried about you throwing up earlier otherwise I’d go anyway 

Alonya: dude that was hours ago chill out 

OhTheMoon: Shut up let me care about you 

Alonya: no <3 

  
  
  


A few hours later 

  
  


Queen.Of.Everything: MARYA GRAB MY TONGUE 

Grande Dame: What? 

Alonya: what

Queen.Of.Everything: ATOCORRECT I MEANT RUM 

Grande Dame: How do you get tongue from rum

Queen.Of.Everything: DEY RYHME STUPID BITCH 

Queen.Of.Everything: NO JK YOU’RE NOT A STUPID BITCH YOU’RE MY SWEETHEART AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 

Queen.Of.Everything: DON’T BREAK UP WITH MEEEEE I LOVE YOU 

Not Important: Marya I think you should pick her up she’s hammered 

Grande Dame: Clearly. 

Queen.Of.Everything: YEAH PICK ME UP IN YOUR STRONG ARMS AND CARRY ME HOME AND SLAM ME AGAINST A WALL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT 

Grande Dame: How about I slam you against the bed instead? 

Alonya: hdjksgfhksgfshgfdhsjgfdhjfg 

Alonya: marya nO

Alonya: what would jesus say 

Mary: JESus WOUld say FU CK 

Not Important: Might wanna pick her up too 

Alonya: aren’t you the designated driver 

Not Important: Yes but these two are WASTED wasted like they might pass out and cannot go home like this and Marya lives alone so they can spend the night there

Not Important: And Marya’s more responsible than me 

Grande Dame: Mary not being able to go home because of her dad I understand, but why can’t Helene go home? Her parents wouldn’t care. 

Not Important: Anatole didn’t drink as much so he’s still out with us which means Helene would be home alone and I don’t want her to be alone rn

Grande Dame: I see. 

Grande Dame: I’m on my way. 

**Queen.Of.Everything changed their name to “i STAN Maryas strong arms”**

Grande Dame: For why? 

Alonya: i hate it here 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: MY MARYA IS VERY STRONG AND STRICT BUT ALSO A SOFTIE THAT’S WHY

i STAN Maryas strong arms: AND IF I COMPLIMENT HER ENOUGH MAYBE SHE’LL MARRY ME

Mary: Heell yeah!! We loVE uhdegrge marrige

OhTheMoon: Is this what I’m like when I’m drunk 

Alonya: you’re worse 

Grande Dame: Dolokhov get them some water please, I’ll be there shortly 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: MY LOVE 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: ARE YOU IN A CAR 

Grande Dame: I am. Why? 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: WHY RIDE A CAR WHEN YOU COULD RIDE ME 

Alonya: fucking hell laney 

Mary: AHAHAHAAHA 

Grande Dame: I’m here, drag them out. 

Grande Dame: None of that tonight honey, you’re drunk. 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: WOW SHE’S SO SMART 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: AND IM NOT LEAVING HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Grande Dame: Elena Kuragina. 

Grande Dame: You get in this car immediately. 

Grande Dame: I’m not playing around. 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: YES MA’AM 

Grande Dame: You as well Mary. 

Mary: UUUuHUEEUGEEGeGJHHHgh

Mary: finenenneneneneneen 

Mary: butt befber i go

Mary: BE GYA DO CIMES 

Mary: thank yuio gonifght 

Whore: Wasted Mary is a blessing 

Alonya: no 

Alonya: wasted mary is concerning 

Mary: oh DHSUT UO OSNGY

Alonya: i don’t even know what she’s trying to say 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: OH SHUT UP SONYA 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: SH =E YELLED IT 

Alonya: marya please get them back safe 

Alonya: like i’m even worried about laney 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: HAA HA YOU LOVE ME 

Grande Dame: Don’t worry Sonya, they’ll be fine. 

Grande Dame: Their hangovers tomorrow are gonna be hell though 

Mary: BITCH I AinT MAING it TO TOMOGRIRO 

Bewildered_N_Awkard: I LOIKE YOUR STLYE 

Whore: Go crazy ahahaha go s tupid 

Grande Dame: I think it’s time for those two to go home as well. 

Not Important: Yeah come on boys it’s time to leave 

Whore: Fine but ONLYK if you gimme cuudel 

Not Important: Fine

Not Important: Being sober sucks 

Alonya: you guys better be ok or i stg 

Not Important: Ha you care about us 

Alonya: only u and Pierre 

Alonya: anal toad can go die in a ditch for all i care 

Whore: Wowie rude

  
  


Chat between Grande Dame and i STAN Maryas strong arms

i STAN Maryas strong arms: BBAY WHI DO U HAEV TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH 

Grande Dame: Go to sleep Elena. 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: BUT I WANT YUI HEREE 

Grande Dame: I’m not going to sleep in the same bed as you when you’re drunk 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: I WONT TRY SEXY TIMES 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: I JUST WANT U TO HOLD ME :( 

Grande Dame: If I do, will you shut up and go to sleep? 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: HOLD ME IN YOUR STONG ARMS 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: YESS

Grande Dame: Fine. 

Grande Dame: I’ll come up. 

  
  
  


Main Chat, the next day 

Mary: Good morning 

Mary: Where am I

Mary: My head hurts 

Mary: Who’s hoodie am I wearing 

Mary: Because it’s soft and I like it 

Mary: It’s mine now 

OhTheMoon: Hey Mary! You’re at mine and Sonya’s house, you’re wearing Sonya’s hoodie 

OhTheMoon: Also there’s some Advil for your head in the bathroom 

OhTheMoon: And my parents are at work so you can just go out the front door when you want to go home 

Mary: Oh no It’s 10 am 

Mary: My dad’s gonna be so mad 

OhTheMoon: You can say you were at a friends house helping her study and it just got late so you stayed and your phone died and couldn’t call or text from your friend’s phone because you don’t have his number memorized 

Mary: That was a very detailed excuse that you thought of very fast 

OhTheMoon: It’s what Helene told me to stay when I was drunk and blacked out at her house 

Mary: Ok

Mary: Do you mind if I stick around for a while, don’t want to go back early and have my dad ask why I’m not at school 

OhTheMoon: That’s fine! Help yourself to anything in the kitchen

Mary: Thank you Natasha 

OhTheMoon: Of course! I gtg now I’m in English and I feel like Mrs. McLean is about to notice that I’m on my phone 

Mary: Okay see you later 

Mary: Tell Sonya she’s never getting her hoodie back 

Mary: WAIT 

Mary: Go to the bathroom or something 

OhTheMoon: ?

Mary: I just found an adorable pic of Marya and Helene at the cafe last night on my phone

Mary: And one of Sonya 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: OOOOOO 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: I must see these 

i STAN Maryas strong arms: Oh I forgot about my name 

**i STAN Maryas strong arms changed their name to Queen.Of.Everything**

Queen.Of.Everything: There we go

Queen.Of.Everything: Now, pics 

Mary: 

Mary: 

Queen.Of.Everything: Those pics are so cute!!!! 

OhTheMoon: Awwwww

Not Important: Why are they so small 

OhTheMoon: Bet Anatole said something similar last night 

Not Important: False 

Mary: Ok you guys can get back to class now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my friends on the very chaotic comet server for inspiring some bits in here! 
> 
> Comments make my day, just saying :)


	6. Chapter 6

Alonya: guys 

Alonya: how is laney not hungover 

Alonya: we have 6th period together and she was acting normal 

Alonya: how does that work

Whore: I’ve stopped trying to figure that out years ago 

Whore: It’s insane 

Queen.Of.Everything: It’s not insane you’re just a lightweight 

Alonya: am not

Queen.Of.Everything: I was talking about Anatole 

Queen.Of.Everything: But now I’m intrigued 

Queen.Of.Everything: How do you know you’re not a lightweight

Alonya: …

OhTheMoon: SONYA?

Alonya: i may have indulged in the alchy hall once or twice 

Queen.Of.Everything: OOOOH

Grande Dame: When, where, who, why?

Alonya: a couple months ago, my house, alone, i wanted to 

Alonya: why doesn’t nat get this questioning smh 

Grande Dame: Because Natasha tells me this without me having to ask. 

Alonya: what a loser

OhTheMoon: I think you mean responsible 

Not Important: I’m with Sonya on this one 

Queen.Of.Everything: Feddy you’re here good 

Not Important: Oh no

Not Important: You only call me that when you need something

Queen.Of.Everything: :) 

Queen.Of.Everything: Will you be my fake boyfriend for a day

Grande Dame: Why do you need a fake boyfriend? 

Queen.Of.Everything: My dad’s throwing a gala/event/auction/i don’t even know/rich people thing :/ 

Grande Dame: Doesn’t answer my question. 

Queen.Of.Everything: V*ssily heard me talking to Anatole about going on a date and he assumed I have a boyfriend and is making me bring him to the thingy 

Grande Dame: Why can’t you tell him otherwise 

Queen.Of.Everything: He would literally kill me

Queen.Of.Everything: He’s old fashioned 

Queen.Of.Everything: Thinks I need a good rich husband or whatever to make our family look good and provide for me

Queen.Of.Everything: I’d be an excellent trophy wife tho 

Alonya: nah 

Alonya: you can’t cook for shit 

Grande Dame: I’m sorry you have to go through that honey. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Eh I’m used to it 

Queen.Of.Everything: Feddy yes or no 

Not Important: Yeah sure 

Queen.Of.Everything: Thank you <3 <3 <3 

Mary: My dad watching TV and seeing some gay stuff: How dare they show this?! It’s disgusting and vile. My kids would never, they’re going to make me so proud

Mary: Who’s gonna tell him 

Alonya: tell him what 

Mary: That I listen to girl in red 

Alonya: oH 

Alonya: same

Mary: Yeah we been knew 

Whore: Guys 

Whore: I was just at a coffee shop 

Whore: And the barista didn’t put marshmallows in my hot choccy 

Alonya: oh no

Alonya: i would have started sobbing on the spot 

Whore: I made it out of the shop but I am breaking down 

Grande Dame: You guys are so extra. 

Whore: You don’t know the pain of expecting to get marshmallows in your hot choccy but not getting marshmallows in your hot choccy 

Grande Dame: Why do you keep calling it that? 

Whore: Cause that’s what it’s called 

Alonya: if you refer to hot choccy as anything but hot choccy it’s electric chair for you 

Grande Dame: But it’s called hot chocolate? 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m sorry but I have to break up with you 

Queen.Of.Everything: I can’t be with someone who refers to hot choccy as hot chocolate 

Grande Dame: How can you break up with me when you won’t even let me call you my girlfriend 

Queen.Of.Everything: RUDE 

Queen.Of.Everything: AND UNCALLED FOR 

Alonya: i just sit back and observe 

OhTheMoon: The tea is boiling today 

Queen.Of.Everything: Wow I can’t believe Marya doesn’t love me anymore smh 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Hey apparently we have a math test tomorrow 

Whore: All of us? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: No dumbass just the seniors 

Queen.Of.Everything: On a completely underrated note I’m gonna be sick tomorrow 

OhTheMoon: We have a performance 

Queen.Of.Everything: UUUUUUUUUHHHHHHGGGGGGGG 

OhTheMoon: And you can’t perform if you weren’t at school that day 

Alonya: you could come late or leave for “a dentist appointment” and come back after your math class 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’d need an adult to sign me out/in 

Queen.Of.Everything: Right, Marya, Feyda, study session at Pierre’s in 10 

Not Important: Why do I have to be there I’m shit at math 

Queen.Of.Everything: I need a support system 

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya is there to teach me stuff because I’ll actually listen to her, Pierre is there because I like his house, and you’re my emotional support himbo 

Not Important: EXCUSE YOU 

Not Important: I AM NOT a himbo 

Not Important: Anatole is a himbo, I am not 

Queen.Of.Everything: Mhm sure 

Not Important: If I’m a himbo, you’re a bimbo 

Queen.Of.Everything: Excuse you I’m a bimbo even if you’re not a himbo 

Not Important: True 

Grande Dame: Helene, I’m picking you up. For everyone’s safety please do not drive to Pierre’s. 

Queen.Of.Everything: <3 <3 <3 Ily 

Alonya: marya: lokey insults helene 

Alonya: helene: i love you 

Queen.Of.Everything: Being insulted isn’t always bad ;) 

Mary: OOP- 

Alonya: laney stop being horny for 5 minutes challenge 

Queen.Of.Everything: Why would I ever do such a thing 

Whore: Horniness is one of the defining pillars of being a Kuragin 

OhTheMoon: I’m gonna regret asking but what are the others

Queen.Of.Everything: Hotness 

Whore: Charm 

Queen.Of.Everything: And being fun 

Alonya: *annoying 

Queen.Of.Everything: Bitch- 

Alonya: ya i know you are <3 

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya your goddaughter is bullying me! 

Queen.Of.Everything: MARYA 

Bewilderded_N_Awkward: She’s probably driving 

Queen.Of.Everything: So? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Sensible people don’t text and drive 

Queen.Of.Everything: Lame 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: How do you have a license- 

Queen.Of.Everything: ;) 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: That’s not an answer omfg 

OhTheMoon: I have an announcement 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: ? 

OhTheMoon: Pretty girls 

Alonya: brilliant 

Mary: Incredible 

Queen.Of.Everything: Showstopping 

Private chat between Alonya and OhTheMoon

Alonya: nat 

OhTheMoon: Yes? 

Alonya: Explain your announcement 

OhTheMoon: There’s nothing to explain? 

Alonya: natasha 

Alonya: don’t try to lie to me 

Alonya: who’s the pretty girl 

OhTheMoon: Damn you 

OhTheMoon: Promise not to tell? 

Alonya: yeah obvi 

OhTheMoon: …

OhTheMoon: Mary 

Alonya: what 

Alonya: are you serious 

Alonya: why do you always fall for the bolkonsky’s 

Alonya: is it bc they’re tall 

OhTheMoon: No she’s just so cute and nice and ahhh

OhTheMoon: But there’s also Pierre 

Alonya: yes 

Alonya: pierre also exists, many other people do 

OhTheMoon: You know what I mean 

Alonya: do i

Alonya: oh 

Alonya: i do 

OhTheMoon: What do I do though, I was thinking of asking one of them out but idk who 

Alonya: bold of you to assume they like you back 

Alonya: sorry 

Alonya: But if you’re so unsure don’t ask either of them out 

Alonya: just wait and think about it

OhTheMoon: Oh of course! 

OhTheMoon: Thank you Sonya, idk what I’d do without you <3 

Alonya: <3 

Private chat between Alonya and Grande Dame

Alonya: mom

Alonya: mom 

Alonya: mom 

Alonya: mommy 

Grande Dame: Mom is fine but mommy is a little weird. 

Alonya: fine

Alonya: but i need your help 

Grande Dame: What’s wrong? 

Alonya: so natasha 

Alonya: likes mary 

Grande Dame: Oh. 

Alonya: what the fuck do i do 

Grande Dame: There’s not much you can do, it’s Mary’s choice who she dates. 

Alonya: but what if she picks nat 

Grande Dame: Then you don’t have to be happy about it, but you should support them and try to be happy that two people you care about are happy. 

Alonya: i don’t think i could do that 

Grande Dame: Well imagine if the roles were reversed, you’d want Natasha to be happy for you and support you right? 

Alonya: damn 

Alonya: u right 

Alonya: but she also likes pierre so it’d be easier for her 

Grande Dame: Why is it always Pierre? 

Grande Dame: Anyway it doesn’t seem as if you have much control over the situation. 

Grande Dame: You just need to learn to live with the outcome. 

Grande Dame: But if Mary and Natasha do start dating it’s okay to be sad and upset, and I’ll be there for you if that happens. 

Alonya: Thanks mommy 

Grande Dame: Sonya stop. 

Alonya: Sorry mommy 

Grande Dame: Keep this up and you’ll only be permitted to address me as Ms. Dmitrievna 

Alonya: fine 

Private Chat between Alonya and Queen.Of.Everything

Queen.Of.Everything: Bitch stop texting Marya so she can teach me shit 

Alonya: laney stfu 

Alonya: wait 

Alonya: stay i need your help 

Queen.Of.Everything: Oh? 

Alonya: so i'm about to drop quite a bit of drama on you please don’t tell anyone 

Queen.Of.Everything: I won’t

Alonya: so i like mary and so does natasha but natasha also likes pierre 

Queen.Of.Everything: Ooooo fun 

Alonya: you like meddling in shit 

Alonya: what should i do

Queen.Of.Everything: We need to get you and Mary together and Natasha and Pierre together 

Alonya: how 

Queen.Of.Everything: Well we know that you like Mary and Natasha likes Pierre, we just have to push you guys their way and see what happens 

Queen.Of.Everything: Asking Mary to go to the opening night party was a nice start 

Queen.Of.Everything: I say we plan an outing with the group but make sure that you four are the only one’s going 

Queen.Of.Everything: It’ll help us get a better reading of Mary and Pierre’s feelings 

Alonya: how do we make sure it’s only us

Queen.Of.Everything: Leave it to me

Alonya: oh god 

Alonya: thanks for your help laney 

Alonya: even if i’m kinda regretting it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day btw, just saying :)


	7. Chapter 7

Queen.Of.Everyone: Attention everyone

Queen.Of.Everything: Dinner at Marya’s tonight to celebrate 

OhTheMoon: What are we celebrating? 

Queen.Of.Everything: I got a B on my math test 

Queen.Of.Everything: And I only cheated a little bit 

OhTheMoon: That’s great! 

Mary: Do you always make plans at other people’s houses 

Queen.Of.Everything: Yes 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Did you at least ask Marya before hand

Queen.Of.Everything: Actually she offered

Queen.Of.Everything: She’s proud of me :) 

Grande Dame: Indeed I am. 

Alonya: ew 

Alonya: stop being cute 

Alonya: also what are we having for dinner bc i’m a vegetarian 

Not Important: Of course you are

Alonya: fuck does that even mean 

Alonya: are you trying to insult me because i don’t kill animals 

Grande Dame: We’re having sushi, but I can easily make a vegetarian version. 

Alonya: thanks mommy 

Grande Dame: Sonya stop. 

Alonya: sorry god mommy 

Grande Dame: That’s worse. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Leather mommy ;) 

Grande Dame: Helene no. 

Not Important: What kind of weird sex shit- 

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya looks good in leather that’s all ;) 

Grande Dame: I am no longer proud of you. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Noooooooo

Mary: Moving on 

Mary: Can someone give me a ride to Marya’s tonight 

OhTheMoon: Sure!

OhTheMoon: You can come with me and Sonya 

Alonya: just u 

OhTheMoon: ?

Alonya: i’m going home with dolobitch to work on our history project 

Not Important: “dolobitch” That’s not even original 

Alonya: it’s still funny 

Grande Dame: Everyone should come over at 6:30. 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’ll be going home with you :) 

Grande Dame: Then you better hurry up, I’m starting the car right now. 

Queen.Of.Everything: SHIT 

Whore: I can’t make it tonight 

Queen.Of.Everything: :( Why not 

Whore: I already made plans 

Whore: Heath’s throwing a party 

Whore: :( I’m sorry 

Alonya: wow can’t believe you’re choosing a party over your sister 

OhTheMoon: I can 

Not Important: I’m walking with Sonya and Natasha and I want everyone to know that they just looked up, made eye contact, nodded at each other, and then fired off that double team 

Not Important: Meaning they planned it in a split second without saying a word 

Mary: Impressive 

Alonya: we’re very in sync when it comes to bullying an*tole 

Whore: Why must I always be bullied 

Alonya: it’d take me too long to list every reason 

Queen.Of.Everything: MARYA HAS A CAT 

Queen.Of.Everything: AND SHE DIDN’T TELL ME 

Alonya: cat 

Alonya: cat 

Alonya: i am 

Alonya: reasonably excited for this 

Not Important: She says after squealing very loudly and hopping up and down 

Alonya: shut the hell up fedick 

Not Important: That’s a new one

Mary: What’s its name? 

Grande Dame: Her name is Rose. 

OhTheMoon: aww that’s adorable 

OhTheMoon: Can’t wait to meet her!! 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Fyi I’m allergic to cats 

Alonya: of course you are 

Alonya: loser 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: It probably won’t be a big deal but can you put her away in a room or something if need be

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Sonya it’s not something I can control- 

Alonya: simply don’t be allergic 

Grande Dame: Of course, Pierre. 

Chat between OhTheMoon and Queen.Of.Everything 

OhTheMoon: Hey! It sucks that Anatole isn’t going, I know you want him to be there 

OhTheMoon: Kinda a shitty thing for him to do tbh 

OhTheMoon: If he ever does this again Sonya and I wouldn’t mind giving him a nice whack on the head 

Queen.Of.Everything: Thank you darling but I’m not too torn up about it 

Queen.Of.Everything: Please don’t hit him in the head 

OhTheMoon: Ok 

OhTheMoon: I won’t 

OhTheMoon: For now 

Queen.Of.Everything: Natasha 

OhTheMoon: I’ve got to go study, love you! 

Queen.Of.Everything: Love you too you little firecracker 

OhTheMoon: :o 

OhTheMoon: That’s what Marya sometimes calls me 

OhTheMoon: Aww you picked it up from her that’s adorable 

Queen.Of.Everything: Shut up 

Main Chat 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I can’t just not be allergic 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: That’s not how it works 

Alonya: maybe you’re just lazy 

Mary: Imagine hating cats 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I don’t hate cats I’m just allergic 

Mary: A likely story...

Queen.Of.Everything: This is why I broke up with you 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I broke up with you tho? 

Queen.Of.Everything: I broke up with you in my head 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: What 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Okay then 

Not Important: Someone help me, Sonya’s corrupting my little sister 

Not Important: We finished working on our project and now she’s telling her about her first guitar and how much she loves playing it

Not Important: I swear if my sister becomes a hippie indie lesbian who drinks flower tea and writes sonnets about girls she likes- 

OhTheMoon: You finished your project already? Wow 

Not Important: We finished working on it. We’re nowhere near finished 

Alonya: i do not write sonnets 

Alonya: i write songs 

Grande Dame: A few ground rules before you guys come over:   
1\. Must pet Rose and tell her she’s a good girl, don’t worry she’s friendly.   
2\. Do not be horny on main or I will quite literally throw you out.   
3\. You will clean up any mess you make.   
4\. No drinking.

Queen.Of.Everything: Yes ma’am 

OhTheMoon: Leaving now, see you guys soon! 

Whore: Again, I’m so sorry that I can’t be there 

Alonya: yeah i bet you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapter being kinda short, ya boi is busy. Comments make my day btw :)


	8. Chapter 8

Whore: It’s come to my attention that a certain group of people consider me a “bad person” some of these people being in this chat

OhTheMoon: Yeah 

Alonya: and we’re not wrong 

Mary: “a certain group of people” Like it’s a club or something 

Alonya: the anal toad kuragin hate club 

Grande Dame: I would like to join. 

OhTheMoon: Since Sonya came up with it does that automatically make her president or can I still run 

Alonya: you can be vp nat 

OhTheMoon: Great!

Queen.Of.Everything: Tfw your girlfriend joins a club to hate on your brother

Grande Dame: You know I have good reason to. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Yeah 

Whore: Not even gonna defend me? Wow 

Grande Dame: Not even gonna show up to her celebration? Wow. 

Whore: I already had plans-

Grande Dame: To go to a fucking party. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya it’s fine it wasn’t a big thing anyway 

Grande Dame: Don’t start with that. 

Grande Dame: I don’t care how much you want to downplay it, you were excited and proud of yourself. It doesn’t matter how small of an achievement it appears to be to some people. 

Queen.Of.Everything: So now you think you know my emotions better than I do 

Grande Dame: No, I think you know what you feel but you’re not going to admit it. 

Alonya: welcome back to my favorite TV show, “Keeping up with the Kuragins”

Queen.Of.Everything: Sonya- shdgshajgjfdshffdsafg 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m slightly offended but that was funny 

Whore: Literally I don’t have to explain myself to you? 

Whore: Like who tf do you think you are 

Grande Dame: I think your sister can answer that. 

Queen.Of.Everything: ANATOLE 

Queen.Of.Everything: THAT’S ENOUGH 

Whore: So you’re gonna pick her over me or some shit

OhTheMoon: Woah what’s that? 

OhTheMoon: It’s the sound of the topic changing 

Not Important: So uh 

Alonya: Let’s all just go to a park and chill out 

Chat between Alonya and Queen.Of.Everything

Queen.Of.Everything: I hope you’re ready for today 

Alonya: ????

Alonya: that’s cryptic

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m gonna make sure only you Mary Natasha and Pierre are at the park 

Alonya: oh 

Queen.Of.Everything: So be prepared 

Alonya: aight 

Queen.Of.Everything: Tell me how it goes! 

Alonya: thanks laney 

Chat between Queen.Of.Everything, Whore, Grande Dame, Not Important

Queen.Of.Everything: Listen up bitches 

Queen.Of.Everything: None of us are going to the park 

Queen.Of.Everything: Come up with an excuse 

Grande Dame: Why? 

Queen.Of.Everything: We need the other 4 to be alone

Grande Dame: Are you meddling again? 

Queen.Of.Everything: I was asked to meddle! 

Grande Dame: Sure you were. 

Queen.Of.Everything: I WAS 

Grande Dame: Okay then. If we’re not going to the park, would you like to come over?

Queen.Of.Everything: I WOULD LOVE TO

Not Important: Anatole

Not Important: Wanna go out drinking 

Whore: Hell yeah 

Main Chat

Grande Dame: Wish I could, but Elena and I already planned a date for today.

Whore: Oh so it’s okay for you to skip out on someone 

Whore: But not me 

Grande Dame: It’s a completely different situation and you know that. 

Not Important: Me and Anatole also got other things going on 

Alonya: yay

Alonya: so the annoying people aren’t coming 

Grande Dame: Excuse you. 

Alonya: *so the annoying people and marya aren’t coming

Grande Dame: There you go. 

Alonya: everyone else 

Mary: I’ll go!

OhTheMoon: Same!

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Unfortunately I need to study 

Not Important: Me too 

Not Important: Doesn’t mean I’m going to tho 

Alonya: mood 

Chat between Alonya and Queen.Of.Everything 

Alonya: laney 

Queen.Of.Everything: I know 

Alonya: shitttttttt

Queen.Of.Everything: I know

Alonya: what do i do now 

Queen.Of.Everything: Good old fashioned duel 

Alonya: i’m not gonna shoot nat 

Queen.Of.Everything: Do you want a girlfriend or not 

Alonya: there are other ways to go about this 

Queen.Of.Everything: Okay fineeeeee

Queen.Of.Everything: Flirt with her then 

Queen.Of.Everything: And confess your love before Nat does 

Alonya: i can’t just go up to her and tell her that im in love with her 

Queen.Of.Everything: That’s what I did with Marya and look where we are now 

Alonya: how’d that work- 

Queen.Of.Everything; No idea 

Queen.Of.Everything: Just flirt it’s not that hard 

Alonya: it is but ok 

Alonya: i’ll let you know the results 

Alonya: see ya laney 

Main Chat 

OhTheMoon: So let’s meet in 15 minutes? 

Mary: Okay!

Alonya: see yall then 

Not Important: “yall” 

Alonya: shut up 

Not Important: Imagine saying y'all 

Alonya: yeah well 

Alonya: at least i don’t like men 

Not Important: Uncalled for 

Alonya: shit i just remembered 

Alonya: our project is due tomorrow 

Not Important: Ah damn 

Not Important: Come over when you Natasha and Mary are done hanging out 

Alonya: can i spend the night 

Not Important: Yeah 

Not Important: Only bc my mom likes you 

Alonya: oh ofc

Alonya: ….tell her that I’d love to help her make golubtsy...if she ever wants me to 

Queen.Of.Everything: This is why people think you’re dating 

Not Important: They think WHAT

Queen.Of.Everything: Yeah 

Alonya: no please no 

Alonya: i hate gossip especially when it’s about me 

Alonya: laney make em stop 

Queen.Of.Everything: They’ll think what they want to darling 

Queen.Of.Everything: I gtg 

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya’s wearing a sleeveless shirt today I need to stare as much as possible ;) 

Alonya: eye- 

Alonya: moving on 

Alonya: maybe if i wore more flannel 

OhTheMoon: You’re literally wearing flannel right now- 

Not Important: I don’t think it’s possible for you to look gayer 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Maybe if you got an undercut 

OhTheMoon: NO

OhTheMoon: I would disown you so fast 

Alonya: i would never 

Mary: You could make Dolokhov look gayer 

Alonya: ooooooo

Alonya: dolyoly can i paint your nails 

Not Important: What the fuck did you call me- 

Not Important: Also wow way to be stereotypical 

Not Important: But tbh some shiny black nails wouldn’t be that bad 

Alonya: hell yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan Marya Ivanovna Dolokhova or die by my sword. Comments make my day, just saying :)


	9. Chapter 9

Not Important: Sonya is a dirty dirty liar 

OhTheMoon: Sonya Rostova slander will not be tolerated! 

Not Important: I’m only speaking facts 

Not Important: That bitch said she was gonna paint my nails black 

Not Important: She did not 

Not Important: She painted them PURPLE 

Alonya: yes i did 

Alonya: i made an executive decision 

Alonya: and it was the right one 

Grande Dame: Have you two finished your project? 

Alonya: shit 

Not Important: That moment when your project is due in 2 hours and you’ve barely started

Grande Dame: Give your phones to Feyda’s mom, I don’t want to see either of you on this chat until your project is finished and submitted. 

Alonya: yes sir 

Queen.Of.Everything: Marya trying to act all responsible when she’s making me watch horror movies instead of sleeping 

Grande Dame: It’s 10pm, you’d be awake anyway. 

Queen.Of.Everyone: I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight tho- 

Queen.Of.Everything: Why do we have to watch horror 

Grande Dame: We don’t. 

Grande Dame: I suggested it and you said yes. 

Queen.Of.Everything: ...shut up 

Chat between Queen.Of.Everything and Whore

Queen.Of.Everything: Hey 

Queen.Of.Everything: Did you eat something 

Whore: Yeah 

Queen.Of.Everything: Good 

Queen.Of.Everything: Also I’m gonna be spending the night at Marya’s so make sure to get to school on time and shit 

Whore: Course you are 

Queen.Of.Everything: What’s that supposed to mean- 

Whore: You’re just spending all your time with her 

Queen.Of.Everything: She’s my girlfriend??? 

Queen.Of.Everything: Am I supposed to not spend time with her??? 

Whore: No but it just seems like you’re ignoring me 

Queen.Of.Everything: Oh my god 

Queen.Of.Everything: Are you that self absorbed

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m ignoring you because you upset me dumbass 

Whore: You said it was fine

Queen.Of.Everything: Yeah cause I didn’t wanna guilt trip you 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’ll talk to you tomorrow, go to bed at a reasonable hour please 

Chat Between Whore and OhTheMoon 

Whore: Hey 

OhTheMoon: No 

OhTheMoon: What do you want 

Whore: Wanna hang out tonight, no one’s home ;) 

OhTheMoon: I hate you. 

OhTheMoon: Why are you like this 

Main Chat 

OhTheMoon: Guys and a toe just asked me to “hang out” with a winky face 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: And? A? Toe??? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Anatole?? 

OhTheMoon: Yeah 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Oh

Bewildered_N_Awkward: He never learns 

OhTheMoon: RIGHT 

OhTheMoon: Also isn’t he dating Feyda??? 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I have no idea tbh 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: They definitely fuck on the regular but idk they might be like friends with benefits or something 

OhTheMoon: This conversation’s awfully gossipy for you Pierre!

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I don’t think I’m being gossipy, just curious 

Whore: What’s the difference if it’s about someone else’s life 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Uhhh 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Good point 

Whore: As for me and Feyda we haven’t really put a label on it and are just vibing 

Whore: But like if he wanted to…. 

OhTheMoon: :0000 

OhTheMoon: Teaaaaa 

Not Important: …….

Not Important: Anyway 

Not Important: My cat likes Sonya better than me which is kinda rude 

OhTheMoon: You have a cat :0 

Mary: Cat! 

Grande Dame: You better have your project finished. 

Not Important: Where’d you even come from- 

Not Important: And yes we finished 

Grande Dame: I’ve been here for a while, just not saying things as the conversation didn’t interest me. 

Grande Dame: Good. 

OhTheMoon: Back to the cat 

Not Important: Her name is Kat 

OhTheMoon: You named a cat Kat- 

Not Important: Shut up she’s named after my friend who moved away 

Mary: Oh that’s sweet 

Not Important: Yeah 

Not Important: But you know what’s sweeter 

Alonya: if you’re about to send what i think you’re about to do not

Not Important: Payback for giving me grape nails 

Not Important: 

OhTheMoon: AWWWW 

Mary: That’s adorable 

Alonya: w h y 

Grande Dame: Oh that’s cute. 

Queen.Of.Everything: Babies 

Alonya: laney n o 

Grande Dame: We have school tomorrow, everyone needs to get to sleep soon. 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Why tho 

Whore: You’re not my mom 

Grande Dame: Did you two forget that we have a show tomorrow? 

Grande Dame: With that on top of school you need your sleep. 

Mary: I don’t have a show but I’m lokey scared of Marya so goodnight guys! 

Grande Dame: Goodnight Mary. But there’s no need to be scared of me, dear. 

OhTheMoon: There is but ok 

OhTheMoon: I’m gonna sleep too! Goodnight guys! 

Alonya: same, goodnight to everyone except the rat 

Whore: I assume that’s me 

Whore: Night Sonya <3 

Alonya: gross 

Queen.Of.Everything: There’s no way I’m sleeping tonight after those horror movies 

Grande Dame: You’ll be with me, honey, you’ll be fine. 

Queen.Of.Everything: You better give me the best cuddles ever 

Queen.Of.Everything: And calm me down if I have a nightmare

Grande Dame: Of course. 

Grande Dame: Now, bed time. If I see any texts in here from now until 7am I will have no problem bullying the shit out of the sender. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day, just saying :)


	10. Chapter 10

Queen.Of.Everything: GUYS 

Queen.Of.Everything: MASHA IS LEAVING ME

Alonya: only laney would announce her breakup in a groupchat with her ex 

Grande Dame: That’s not what’s happening, she’s being overdramatic. 

Grande Dame: The debate team has a competition out of town. I’ll be gone for 3 days. 

Queen.Of.Everything: THAT’S A LONG TIME 

OhTheMoon: We can hang out to keep your mind off it? When do you leave Marya? 

Grande Dame: Oh, I’m on the way there right now. 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: I’m going to, not that anyone cares

OhTheMoon: I DO

Whore: Same! 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: Because I won’t be there to give you money 

Whore: Let’s not worry about the reasons

Queen.Of.Everything: Yes Natasha wanna go shopping

OhTheMoon: Sure!

OhTheMoon: We haven’t spent a lot of time together just us in a while :) 

Queen.Of.Everything: Meet in about an hour? 

OhTheMoon: Okay!

Not Important: In other news 

Not Important: Sonya and I got a perfect score on our project 

Alonya: ye 

Alonya: let’s just ignore the fact that i had a panic attack after we presented 

Mary: Oh no! Are you okay? 

Alonya: yeah i am now 

Whore: I’m bored 

Whore: Someone give me attention   
Alonya: you suck 

Whore: I still win, you gave me attention 

Alonya: go watch a musical or something idk 

Alonya: dough of cough and i are celebrating so i’m gonna stop talking to you know 

Not Important: These nicknames barley sound like my name anymore 

Alonya: who cares 

Three hours later 

OhTheMoon: Guys help 

OhTheMoon: Helene made me flirt with a cute person and I made an absolute fool of myself 

Queen.Of.Everything: Oh my god no you didn’t 

Queen.Of.Everything: It could’ve gone better tho 

Whore: Oh? 

Whore: Tell me more about this person 

OhTheMoon: I only talked to her but gather that her name is Marta and they’re a theatre kid 

OhTheMoon: And they were wearing a Hadestown shirt so taste. 

Whore: K I don’t care is she cute 

OhTheMoon: Yeah 

Whore: Did you get her number 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m gonna stop you right there champ 

Queen.Of.Everything: Nothing is to come of this 

Queen.Of.Everything: Just a flirting practice because Natasha clearly needs it 

OhTheMoon: HEY! 

Queen.Of.Everything: Simply a fact my dear, your natural charm will only take you so far

OhTheMoon: Still rude >:( 

Chat between OhTheMoon and Alonya 

OhTheMoon: Sofieeeeeee 

Alonya: what 

OhTheMoon: I’m going out with Mary tonight! 

Alonya: really 

Alonya: like on a date? 

OhTheMoon: Well I think it’s a date 

OhTheMoon: I don’t know what she thinks though

OhTheMoon: But I’m so nervous 

Alonya: i’m sure she likes you 

Alonya: everyone always likes you 

OhTheMoon: Thanks Sonya! 

OhTheMoon: I’d better get ready 

Alonya: ok

Alonya: tell me how it goes 

Chat between Alonya and Queen.Of.Everything 

Alonya: laney 

Alonya: drinks tonight   
Alonya: please 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m always down for alcohol but are you okay? 

Queen.Of.Everything: You’ve never asked me to go out for drinks 

Alonya: i wanna do something new

Queen.Of.Everything: Mhm sure 

Queen.Of.Everything: Want me to ask the boys if they wanna come 

Alonya: no toady is repulsive 

Queen.Of.Everything: Is that Anatole 

Alonya: obviously 

Alonya: literally who else would it be

Queen.Of.Everything: I’m gonna walk to your house and we can check an Uber from there 

Main Chat a few hours later 

Queen.Of.Everything: I thinvb druk Sonya is the wors of themk all 

Not Important: Oh? 

Not Important: Are you both drunk- 

Queen.Of.Everything: yess

Alonya: it’s a vibehahhaahahah 

Grande Dame: I leave for a day and this happens. 

Queen.Of.Everything: SHut uo 

Queen.Of.Everything: SOnay sucsk when she drin,k

Queen.Of.Everything: She koueeps laughing andv then cyrigr

Alonya: shuiTr yoru facr laneyy 

Mary: Sonya are you alright? 

Mary: I didn’t think you were one for drinking, is something wrong? 

Alonya: MARY 

Alonya: YOU’RE SO SWEEEEET

Alonya: I LOVE LVOE VOVE LL OVE LOEV YOU 

Mary: I love you too 

Alonya: BAHAHAHAHAHA NO 

Alonya: NO U DONP’T 

Alonya: nOT LIke I love youU

Mary: And what do you mean by that 

Alonya: im in loev w you 

Alonya: but you’re in love with natnat 

Alonya: which is sad for me

Alonya: but great for u 

Queen.Of.Everything: Omg she;s FUCKING CRYIGN AGAINS

Grande Dame: I think you two should go home. 

Grande Dame: Fedya? Will you pick them up?

Grande Dame: You can take them to my apartment, Helene would go there anyway and Sonya would probably get grounded by her aunt if she came home drunk. 

Not Important: Yeah of course. 

Bewildered_N_Awkward: What in the name of fuck just went down- 

Chat between Grande Dame and Queen.Of.Everything

Grande Dame: Love, are you okay?

Grande Dame: You seemed really drunk and it’s worrying to me because I’m not there. 

Queen.Of.Everything: I’M Guccio

Queen.Of.Everything: I missSs you tho :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Grande Dame: I miss you too, I’ll be back soon though. 

Grande Dame: Goodnight, try to get some sleep. I love you 

Queen.Of.Everything: LOOVVVVEE YO7 TOO <333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day, just saying :)


End file.
